October
by SnowyKitty
Summary: Songfic to OctoberEvanescence. HaibaraxConan. Simple as that...might be one shot. Depends.


_S.K.: Eheh...weird story thing so eh...don't mind of how weird Haibara is acting. And I felt like you readers would flame me if Haibara was rejected by Conan so...eheh...I'm too lazy to add that Detective Conan doesn't belnog to me...oh...I just did ;; And...the song doesn't belong to me, obviously. It's by Evanescence..._

* * *

**October**

**_I can't run anymore,  
I fall before you,  
Here I am,  
I have nothing left,  
Though I've tried to forget,  
You're all that I am,  
Take me home,  
I'm through fighting it,  
Broken,  
Lifeless,  
I give up,  
You're my only strength,  
Without you,  
I can't go on,  
Anymore,  
Ever again_**

The dead night sky was very silent, and dark. Nothing there, other than two figures. The boy on the right, pushed his glasses up, light glinting off the lenses. Panting was the only sound heard between the two. The girl on the left was on her knees, trying to catch her breath.  
"Haibara-san..." he started.  
Her light brown hair flew around her face as she ran towards him. She couldn't reach him.Haibara fell down, hoping he could accept her giving up. Her hand extended towards him, waiting for help. The boy reluctantly grabbed ahold as he pulled her up. His glasses falling off as he felt her arms wrap around him.  
"Kudo-kun...you're all I have..." Ai sobbed into his chest.  
"Haibara-san...c'mon," he replied, pulling her with him.  
_Kudo-kun...I can't forget...I can't forget...I just want it to end..._ she thought as she let go of his hand, causing her to fall to the sidewalk.  
"Haibara-san! What are you doing?" Conan asked, running back to her fallen figure.  
"I don't want to...I don't want it to happen, again...if that happens-" Haibara sobbed, but Conan interrupted.  
"That's not going to happen...now c'mon," he tried to assure her, giving the girl one of his smiles.  
He pulled her up as she looked at him. Ai held his hand tightly the rest of the way home, hoping he wouldn't disappear into thin air.

**_My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried) My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love_**

She stared at him. He was the only thing that kept her from fully giving up. There was no cure. No cure for their condition. She had slaved over trying to find one, but now. Now, she wasn't sure if it was even worth it. To continue. To have false hope that the two children would return to their original state. Haibara had nothing else to live for, her only life had already been destroyed. Destroyed along with her sister's life. She found her gaze wandering around the room, but it couldn't linger for more than a minute. He was staring back at her. A serious expression on his face.  
_Do you not know how I feel, Kudo-kun? I love you...I will always love you...even if you go back to your girlfriend...I love you..._ she thought, wishing she could summon up the courage to tell him.  
"Haibara-san...what's with you?" the former Kudo Shinichi questioned, confused by her actions.

_**I can't run anymore,  
I give myself to you,  
I'm sorry,  
I'm sorry,  
In all my bitterness,  
I ignored,  
All that's real and true,  
All I need is you,  
When night falls on me,  
I'll not close my eyes,  
I'm too alive,  
And you're too strong,  
I can't lie anymore,  
I fall down before you,  
I'm sorry,  
I'm sorry**_

"I can't go on, Kudo-kun...all of this...all of this...it's not true is it...?" Haibara asked, on the verge of breaking into tears, again.  
_My sister...Akemi...why did you have to go and leave me?! It's all my fault...the whole purpose of your death...you were just trying to get me back...I'm sorry..._ Ai thought as she looked away from the brown haired boy.  
"I'm sorry, but I can't allow you to give up...everything that has happened...it must have happened for a reason, right? I think that reason was...so that the two of us would meet each other...I'm sorry, I don't know what you're crying about...is it your sister? The only words I can say right now are that...that...I'm sorry," Conan apologized, giving her a sympathetic look.  
Her expression softened a bit as she smiled at him. It wasn't a true smile. The smile was forced, and fake. She didn't want Kudo to worry over her. He was already occupied with worrying over someone he loved. She knew he loved her. Her. Ran. His girlfriend of whom he didn't confess his love to as of yet. That was the whole reason why he wanted the antidote. He wanted to go back to her, and be the teenager's knight in shining armor. Though, Haibara wanted a knight of her own. He was already one. She wanted him to tell her those three precious words. She was a bitter, cold person. She was never really optimistic about anything. That is, she never was unless she was with the only person who could make her smile. Akemi. Her sister. Haibara looked at the 6 year old in front of her. He was such a strong person, willing to go on even if it cost him his life...just to say those three words to Ran. He would say those three words before he died, even if he had to beg and plead to tell her. Haibara couldn't lie to herself anymore. She couldn't tell herself that she didn't love him. That she wanted another person. That everything was a dream. No more was she Miyano Shiho, or Sherry. Now she was Haibara Ai. Haibara advanced towards the boy as she fell to her knees.  
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." he repeated as he felt his shirt becoming drenched with tears.

_**My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried) My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love**_

Haibara's only hope deminished as she looked up at the child. She tried. She blurted those words out.  
"I love you, Kudo-kun"  
"I'm sorry...I don't love you...I love you in a way that is different...than the love I have for Ran," he stated, not daring to look at the girl weeping on him.  
The reply left her fallen. Fallen. She nearly felt as though she would fall to pieces.Ai didn't want to go on, knowing this truth. She had always hoped that he had loved her in the same way he did Ran. She never loved anyone else, other than her sister. He was that close to her. He meant that much to her. Haibara continued crying as she felt arms wrap around her.  
"I'm sorry..."

_**Constantly ignoring,  
The pain consuming me,  
But this time it's cut too deep,  
I'll never stray again**_

She always had pain. Pain. Her sister's loss was pain. The organization was pain. Elementary school was pain. Being in constant fear for her life was, also, pain. Hell, her whole life was painful. Now even more pain. Eating her up, consuming herself. That was why she was so distant and cold, all the pain. Haibara just didn't want anyone else to experience her own pain. This hust her too much. Why had she even said it? She didn't know. She just felt as though she had to tell him. He was no longer holding her, but in the lab. Haibara sighed as she realized just how much this hurt. Being rejected. How would she act around him now...now that he knew she loved him? She would never do that, again. Never hang around him. Maybe, just become colder, more distant from everyone. Maybe, she could just act normal as though nothing had happened.

_**My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried) My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love,  
My only hope,  
(All the times I've tried) My only peace,  
(To walk away from you)  
My only joy,  
My only strength,  
(I fall into your abounding grace)  
My only power,  
My only life,  
(And love is where I am)  
My only love**_

Ai, slowly, got up as she smirked to herself. Her only hope, shattered into pieces. She would have to forget about him, but how? She could end her life, right there and then. End it all. End every dream and hope she had. End Kudo Shinichi's hope for an antidote. No. Ai couldn't do that to him, no matter how much she hated him. She still loved him. Still loved him, after he rejected her. Ai knew perfectly well that it couldn't be helped. She stood up, taking a deep breath. A love, shattered. Her only love. One love, that would last forever. She laughed as she joined Edogawa.  
"Kudo-kun...you know that was all a joke, right?" she asked, hoping he would believe her.  
"Yes, it was...but you never heard what else I said..." Conan explained, a blush on his cheecks.  
"What else was it...?" she asked, wondering if it could be true.  
"That...my love was different than Ran's...I can't love you the same way as Ran because then...then...it wouldn't be as enjoyable, you and Ran are two different people so it's logical to love you equally, but differently...isn't it, Haibara-san?" he asked, smiling.  
The only answer he got was a smile, and a short nod. Though, Haibara never caught the four words he had mouthed to her, she still knew he loved her.

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_A/N: Anyone want me to make this into a full blown fic? XD Was thinknig about it...not sure though, unless this is all ya want. Comments are loved, flames aren't nearly as loved, but welcomed...XD Ooh..and I know Conan left his glasses at the place...yeah...so don't tell me I forgot about his glasses >. _


End file.
